For Christians who carry everyone else
Everyone calls you.
Who do you call?
Pastors and their spouses, associate and youth pastors, worship leaders, directors, and the key volunteers everything quietly rests on. You are allowed to need this.
The lie in ministry
Real leaders have to have it all together. That isn't leadership — it's how good ones quietly come apart.
So you preach on Sunday about the God who meets us in our weakness and you drive home and tell your spouse you're fine. You've got a counselor you refer people to and you've never once called them yourself. The person everybody describes as the strongest one in the building is running on nothing, and the building has no idea.
I'm not guessing at this. I buried my oldest son while I was pastoring, and I stood in that pulpit for a year and a half holding my faith, my family and my congregation together without telling anybody what it was actually costing me. Then I finally reached out.
What you might be carrying
- Burnout you can't name out loud without it becoming a board conversation.
- A marriage nobody in your church knows is in trouble.
- Resentment toward the people you're supposed to shepherd.
- Doubt you can't say from a platform you have to stand on this Sunday.
- A loss you had to lead everyone else through while it was still yours.
- Your spouse, who has no friends in your town who aren't also congregants.
- The thing you believe would end your ministry if you said it in your own church.
Why me and not someone closer
Because in this case, distance matters
I'm not in your denomination. I'm not on your board, I don't know your elders, I'm not at your conference in the spring, and I will never be standing in your church lobby on a Sunday. There is no version of this where it gets back to anybody.
That matters more in ministry than anywhere else. The reason so many leaders say nothing is not pride — it's that every safe-looking person in their life has a stake in the outcome. A peer is also a competitor for the same pulpit. A mentor sits on a committee. A friend in the church is a member first. I am none of those things to you.
What stays between us
What you say stays with me. I don't confirm to anyone that you're working with me — not your church, not your spouse, not your denomination. The only exceptions are the ones any pastor would tell you up front: someone in danger of serious harm, a child or vulnerable adult being harmed, or a court order.
Who you'd be talking to
Until I couldn't anymore.
I was pastoring when my oldest son was killed in a tragic car accident. I tried holding my faith, my family, and my congregation together until I couldn't anymore. For a year and a half I ignored my grief, then I finally got honest with myself and knew I needed help.
A Christian coach walked with me — a man who understood my grief and my faith and told me the two things nobody had said yet: I wasn't going crazy, and I wasn't losing my faith. That is the room I now hold open.
Eight years in pastoral ministry, most of it as a campus pastor. Ordained at Calvary Baptist, Lake Havasu City. Certified trauma-informed coach, Nothing is Wasted Ministries.
Who I work with
Not only the senior pastor
Senior, campus, associate, youth, worship
Including the ones who are thinking about stepping down and have nobody to think about it with. I made that decision, and I made it better once I had someone outside the situation.
The hardest seat in the building
You carry the whole weight of it with none of the title, and the people you'd normally confide in are the congregation. We can work one-on-one, or the two of you together.
Directors, elders, and the indispensable ones
Children's and student directors, worship leads, administrators, the volunteer everything rests on. The people who get cared for last because they're the ones doing the caring.
What I offer
Ways in, whoever you are
I work with Christian men, with those who serve the church and their spouses, and with couples before the wedding. Same work underneath all of it: say the thing out loud, name it honestly, and leave with something decided. There is no separate ministry program and no ministry price — what goes inside these is whatever you walked in carrying.
Fifty minutes, you and me
Video or phone. Come once about one thing, or keep going as long as it helps. Most of what I do is this.
What it costs ›Six sessions, start to finish
Every other week over about three months. Your goals in writing by session two, and a ninety-day plan you keep after we stop meeting.
Packages and prices ›Husbands, fathers, sons
One-on-one, or four weeks in a group of six to eight men. You were taught that a real man sucks it up, and it's coming out sideways at the people you'd die for.
If this is you ›Premarital coaching, with my wife
Four sessions built on the SYMBIS assessment, where the two of you decide together what most couples find out the hard way later — money, family, conflict, faith, expectations.
How it works ›Where to start
The first conversation is free
Thirty minutes. What you're carrying, what you want different in three months, and whether I'm the right person for it. If I'm not, I'll say so and point you somewhere better.
You've told a hundred people it's alright to not be alright. Sunday's coming either way.
Come ready to name one thing you want to be different three months from now.